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Please join me for a Loving-kindness meditation for dementia and cognitive change. Loving-kindness meditation, or "Metta" as it is known in Buddhist Pali language, is a time-honored practice for cultivating feelings of love, connection, equanimity, and acceptance of the things we cannot change.
I decided to create this meditation due to lived experience teaching seated exercise to folks with dementia, caregiving for my dad, John, who had frontotemporal degeneration or FTD until his death in 2017 and my mom’s mom, Grandma Jackie, who lived with Alzheimer’s until 2021. One year after my grandma’s death, I myself sat in a neurologist’s office, reviewing MRI’s as I was diagnosed with neurodegenerative disease, multiple sclerosis or MS.
I share all of this to demonstrate that I deeply understand changes in the brain. I also know that the dominant narrative around cognitive change is one of trauma and fear, and that this attitude can serve to dehumanize, isolate, and incite a lot of anxiety for caregivers and folks such as myself who are living, or anticipate living with cognitive change.
If you can relate, I assure you – You are not broken, you are worthy of respect, kindness, and life-long dignity. From my brain to yours, I can think of no more worthy practice than to consciously cultivate, again and again, loving-kindness for our loved ones, our communities, and ourselves.
The following is a transcript of the meditation (see below for the video of the guided meditation):
And so, let’s begin our practice by finding a comfortable position and turning down the volume in our bodies and our minds. I invite you to close your eyes if that is comfortable for you and to feel the weight of gravity hugging you to your seat. Allow your breath to slow down, inhaling and exhaling, not needing to change anything. If it feels good to you, you may wish to place a hand over your heart, a gesture of loving care.
I invite you now to call to mind someone with whom you have an uncomplicated relationship. They may be a child or a pet, or someone you love or deeply respect, but do not know personally. I like to imagine my niece – it’s just an instant *snap* connection to positivity. The idea is to simply visualize this being and allow the easy feelings of admiration and loving-kindess to begin to flow as you direct the following phrases towards them.
May you be filled with loving-kindness.May you be well. May you be peaceful, and at ease. May you be happy.
If you’d like, you may come up with your own phrases to send this person, repeating the phrases, showering this being with love, and radiating good intentions their way.
May you accept yourself just as you are. May you enjoy laughter and creativity. May you be treated with love, respect, and dignity. May your hopes be realized. May you be free from fear and physical pain.
As you recall this person, feel what it’s like to wish them well and allow that feeling to expand. Recognize that you truly do want them to be happy, and in wishing them well, you yourself are experiencing joy at the possibility of their happiness.
May you be filled with loving-kindness.May you be well. May you be peaceful, and at ease. May you be happy.
Moving on from this person with whom you find ease of connection to someone neutral now. Perhaps someone you don’t know very well, a cashier or someone whose path you crossed recently, someone whose health status you are completely unaware of, and you don’t have any particularly strong feelings towards.
Conjure an image of this person in your mind and feel what it’s like to wish them well.
May you be filled with loving-kindness. May you be well. May you be peaceful, and at ease. May you be happy.
Repeating these or your own phrases, recognize that you truly want them to be happy. Focus on the feeling that is generated when wishing them happiness.
May you accept yourself just as you are. May you enjoy laughter and creativity. May you be treated with love, respect, and dignity. May your hopes be realized. May you be free from fear and physical pain.
May you be filled with loving-kindness.May you be well. May you be peaceful, and at ease. May you be happy.
Now spreading this feeling of loving-kindness, allowing the feeling to grow and expand, and opening to the possibility that someone, somewhere may be wishing you that same loving-kindness, and begin to include yourself in the well-wishing.
May I be filled with loving-kindness. May I be well. May I be peaceful, and at ease. May I be happy. May I accept myself just as I am. May I enjoy laughter and creativity. May I be treated with love, respect, and dignity. May my hopes be realized. May I be free from fear and physical pain.
Repeating these phrases or whatever feels most potent for you, see how it feels to cultivate self-compassion and love in this way.
May I be filled with loving-kindness.May I be well. May I be peaceful, and at ease. May I be happy.
Whatever it is you need to hear today, grant yourself the compassion to say it now, hand on heart, and to really feel it.
Finally, we’ll expand our practice to include all beings, consciously calling in all of humanity and our natural world and wishing it well. Let’s spread this feeling of loving-kindess, a wide web, to our communities and beyond.
May we be filled with loving-kindness.May we be well. May we be peaceful, and at ease. May we be happy. May we accept ourselves just as we are. May we enjoy laughter and creativity. May we be treated with love, respect, and dignity. May our hopes be realized. May we be free from fear and physical pain.
Recognizing that we’re all in this together, take one more moment to spread loving-kindness and compassion to all.
May we be filled with loving-kindness. May we be well. May we be peaceful, and at ease. May we be happy.
Allowing these well-wishes to reverberate within and throughout the world, let’s return to our breath.
Breathing in – may the benefits of my practice be supportive to myself
And exhaling – may the benefits of my practice be a gift to our world
Together, we can harness the transformative power of grief for good. Thank you for your practice today.
Untangling and Releasing Grief is a 17-minute guided meditation designed to gently guide you through the process of untangling the complex web of emotions associated with grief. May this meditation be a compassionate exploration of your emotions, creating spaciousness within to foster release and experience catharsis.
In the meditation, you'll visualize the emotions as distinct threads, each representing a unique aspect of your grief. With each breath, you'll be guided to untangle the threads of sadness, anger, guilt, and longing, gently unraveling the emotional knots that may have taken root within you.
I invite you to take a moment to honor your emotions and recognize the strength it takes to navigate grief. As you emerge from this guided meditation, may you carry this healing energy forward, impacting all who cross your path.
YOU are a good grief doula when you take time to check in with yourself and your grief - if only for a moment.
Music by Christopher Sousa
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I am so very grateful to the clients and friends who have shared feedback from their experience working with Good Grief Doula. Please take a look at their comments below :)
"Kat has been a lifesaver for me since I lost my husband. Ever good natured and reliable, she has helped me to organize and downsize from one house to another—moving, categorizing and labelling, storing, saving, giving away, shedding the unnecessary—never judgmental. Despite my easily distractible mind, with her uncanny ability to remember details and to remind me of what I’ve said I want for my new life and home, she helps me maintain focus and to move forward toward that goal. She never loses sight of the bigger picture. We’ve made huge progress together in this long, interesting, creative (often hilarious), collaborative process that makes this chapter of my life very, very good." - JP
"After struggling with the loss of my parents for over five years, I googled "grief doula" on a whim and found Kat. What a blessing! Kat customized our sessions to fit where I was and what I needed and did so with compassion and grace that my heart so needed. She helped me navigate not only the loss of my parents, but other losses in my life. I will carry what I learned from Kat throughout my life and will always be grateful for the healing that she facilitated." - MP
"Kat was the light I needed during a dark period in my life. I lost my mother unexpectedly right before the start of the new year and wasn't sure where to turn. I found myself opening up very quickly; it was extremely cathartic. I highly recommend speaking with her to anyone who has lost a loved one, a pet, a relationship, a connection." - MM
"I’m grateful for the support I received from Kat during one of the hardest times of my life. She was my person as I: had questions about my existence, dealt with this new and very real vacancy in my life, and processed some raw emotions. She personalized every interaction, brought authenticity, and was flexible in how she leveraged her tools and frameworks through her approach. Everything we discussed resonated and I can’t imagine not having this kind of support in my life. I’ve told my inner circle about Kat and think everyone who is ready to embrace this type of processing should engage with Kat!" - LL
"I feel so much better. Expressing everything to someone really helped. 10/10 would recommend - thank you!" - Anonymous
"My experience working with Kat was simply amazing! I felt seen and heard from the first interaction onward. The grief sessions were a safe space where I was able to be myself and make sense of my grief. I loved how the grief release package was structured in such a way that each session responded to a need I had at that specific time. I also enjoyed each homework assignment and how Kat drew from several practices to help me see new things and old things in new ways! I am reminded of a quote by Carl Jung reflecting on my experience with Kat: 'The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.' Kat gave me a toolkit to bravely face my grief and I feel empowered to do so with confidence now. If you are reading this, I am sorry for the loss that brought you here, but also you will be in great hands working with Kat!!" - RB
"Kat was so empathetic, tender and kind. Very grateful for her intuitive grace." - HF
"Kat was AMAZING, she gave me so many resources and amazing service, she was so kind and made me feel respected. I'm so happy I met her." - Anonymous
"Kat did the most beautiful job of counseling me through a very profound loss in my life two years ago. My most beloved non-human family member was facing her final days, and Kat graciously held space for her loss as she would have if she had been a person. I think that's so important: loss of an animal isn't always given the weight it deserves in our culture. But Kat understood what this transition symbolized for me and how hard it was. I can't recommend her enough." - LK
"This woman has an innate ability to both calm and inspire, igniting something in me. Kat has a wonderful presence and I always feel better after working with her." - ST
"'Kat was super helpful... I liked that she shared resources with me that feel like tangible things I can use as I continue to work through the things I am trying to unlock. She obviously couldn't solve my problem, as it was out of her control, but did everything possible to help" - Anonymous
"Kat is a real life angel. She is one of the most intuitive, calming and nurturing humans I have ever met. She is always there to show empathy and support especially in time of need. She creates a safe space to help open up and guide you through what you are trying to process. You can express yourself to her with out judgement. She helps guide you to exactly where you need to be (even if you don’t know where you should be). I have nothing but kind things to say about Kat. Her dedication to helping others speaks volumes, she is truly one of a kind and I am forever grateful to know her. I give her 5 stars and HIGHLY recommend her!" - JF
"I received an understanding ear, I was comforted and uplifted, and then was able to talk about self-care step by step to slowly get back up. It helped me a lot and felt genuine." - Anonymous
Thank you for joining me for this 22-minute Contemplating Death meditation. Let’s turn down the volume in our mind, body, and environment and turn inward today.
There is so much we do not know about death, that we cannot know until we experience this transition ourselves. It is only natural then, that we may greet the unknown with fear and anxiety.
Thankfully, there are a variety of wisdom teachings that can provide refuge as we approach our human condition.
The lineage for today’s Nine Contemplations of Death comes from Atisha, an 11th century Tibetan Buddhist scholar, and contemporary scholar, teacher, and social activist Joan Halifax.
These contemplations have been passed down for many generations because they are full of truth and insight. When practiced regularly, they can help us explore the inevitability of our deaths and allow us to center what is truly important to us, while we are still alive.
When you’re ready, I invite you to settle into today’s practice, finding a comfortable seat or perhaps lying down in Savasana, or corpse pose. Feel the earth’s gravity hugging your physical body towards your seat or whatever surface you are resting on. Close your eyes or lower your gaze, and if it feels supportive, place one hand on your heart, the other hand resting under your diaphragm on your low belly, grounding and signaling to your nervous system that you are safe now and can relax. You are supported here and are joining a long line of ancestors by affinity, who have practiced death contemplation for hundreds of years before this moment. Honoring this connection, take notice of your breath, inhaling and exhaling, inhaling and exhaling, present and rooted.
And from this place of safety and relaxation, I invite you to please consider these truths.
1. The first contemplation of death: All of us will die sooner or later. Death is inevitable, no one is exempt.
The most noble person who ever lived, the wealthiest human alive, and the humblest human alive will also die. Death is an inescapable outcome of life. No one can avoid this fate. Reflect on the profound equality that death bestows upon all, rendering meaningless all distinctions of wealth, status, and relationships.
Do not lose the opportunity to be with this simple fact. I, too, will die. Watch what the mind tries to do to avoid being present with the inevitability of death. Can I face this truth?
Death is inevitable, this is the first contemplation.
2. The second contemplation: Our life span is decreasing continuously.
Each breath brings us closer to death. Our movement towards death never stops.
Consider the relentless passage of time, and the brevity of life, in the grand scheme of our universe. We are living “in the dash,” somewhere in between our birth dates and the day we will die.
How might I live more fully today, in this moment, and in every moment, amidst this truth?
Our life span is decreasing continuously. This is the second contemplation of death.
3. The third contemplation: Death will indeed come, whether or not we are prepared.
We may spend time contemplating death and preparing for our spiritual needs, the needs of our logical minds, physical bodies, our dependents, and our belongings. Or we may not. Death does not discriminate and will come regardless of whether our affairs are in order.
It is wise to be mindful of death, and to use time, energy, and resources to prepare for this inevitability. When we are not in active crisis mode, we can make decisions with authenticity and integrity rather than panic and fear. What do I need now to feel prepared for my inevitable death? What do I seek now, to find peace with the spontaneity of death?
Death will indeed come, whether or not we are prepared. This is the third contemplation of death.
4. The fourth contemplation: Our life span, like that of all living beings, is not fixed.
Human life expectancy is uncertain. Death can come at any time moment, sleeping or waking, while we are healthy or in pain.
Think of the 116 people who die every minute on this planet, the nearly 7000 people who die every hour, and the 166,000 people who die every day. Approximately 8people have died in the 4 seconds since I started sharing this contemplation. How many of these humans really thought they were going to die today?
When it is time for me to die, it will happen in an ordinary, human moment, just like this one. How much time do I have left?
Our life span, like that of all living beings, is not fixed. This is the fourth contemplation of death.
5. The fifth contemplation: Death has many causes.
Contemplate the infinite ways in which death can manifest. From accidents to illnesses, conditions inherited from family and inherit in being a modern human, heartache, heart disease, and the latest plague - there are endless causes that can lead to death.
Allow the mind to consider these possibilities without avoidance. One way or another, whether I have spent precious energy worrying about a potential condition or never saw it coming at all, I will still have the same end result. How may lack knowledge the unknown and release any hold on preferences for my death?
There is a vast spectrum of conditions that can end a life.
Death has many causes. This is the fifth contemplation of death.
6. The sixth contemplation: Our human body is fragile and vulnerable.
One breath. One moment. One mistake can bring life to a surprising and rapid end.
Life is precarious and requires many interwoven systems functioning with precision to continue. At any time, for any reason and sometimes for no reason at all, these systems may fail.
Attending to my inhalation, I deepen my appreciation for everything that has functioned adequately and allowed me to make it to today. Bringing awareness to my exhalations, I acknowledge that death is not a failure, but an inevitability for my fallible physical form.
Our human body is fragile and vulnerable. This is the sixth contemplation of death.
7. The seventh contemplation: My loved ones cannot keep me from death.
I came into this world alone, and I must face death alone.
I may turn to loved ones in time of hardship, but even if they are doctors, witches, or spiritual gurus, they are ultimately powerless in preventing death.There are limitations to our attachments, and clinging to them in sorrow may actually make dying more difficult.
The inevitability of death cannot be altered by even the strongest bonds. I will not burden my loved ones with this expectation.
Holding this thought in mind, I exercise non-grasping. I ask myself – what will actually help me at the moment of my death?
My loved ones cannot keep me from death. This is the seventh contemplation of death.
8. The eighth contemplation: At the moment of death, material resources will be of no use to me.
My cherished belongings, potent medicines, and stores of money must all be left behind. As the ancient tombs of Egyptian royalty have proven, I can take nothing with me. No matter how much I have accumulated, and how carefully my belongings have been preserved, no-thing will help me avoid my inevitable death.
Furthermore, my possessions must be redistributed after my death. I will have to let go of everything.
With this in mind, I contemplate how I may release attachment to my possessions now.What do I wish to invest in, for the remainder of my days? How might I leave a lighter footprint, when I am gone?
At the moment of death, material resources will be of no use to me.
This is the eighth contemplation of death.
9. The ninth contemplation: My own body cannot help me at the time of death.
Despite the care and attention invested into the body, it too will be lost at the moment of death. All the exercise and rest, nourishment and abuse, self-love and burnout will come to an end at death.
My most intimate companion, the vehicle through which I have traveled this lifetime, from conception to death, must ultimately be left behind.
I am dependent upon my body now, as it allows me to breathe and exist in this present moment. And yet, I will join every human ancestor before me in letting go of this vessel.
How might I better prepare for this departure? What can I do to strengthen my awareness and capacity to surrender to death?
Inhaling, I find refuge in my earthly body. Exhaling, I practice letting go.
My own body cannot help me at the time of death. This is the ninth contemplation of death.
The nine contemplations of death allow us to confront our inevitable end. Now that we have discussed them all, I invite you to notice which contemplations are challenging for you, and which you can approach with ease.
These are the nine contemplations: Death is inevitable. My life span is decreasing continuously. Death will come regardless of whether I am prepared for it. My life span is not fixed. Death has many causes. My human body is fragile and vulnerable. My loved ones cannot keep me from death. My material resources cannot help at the moment of death. And my own body cannot help me at the time of death.
Consider these truths deeply. Allow these contemplations to invite a profound awakening to the existential realities of life and death. May they guide you towards amore mindful existence.
Honoring the connection to all humans who have died and have contemplated death before you, I invite you to wiggle your fingers and toes, connect with your life-giving breath, and when you’re ready – open your eyes.
Thank you for practicing with me. You are a good grief doula.
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This short 18 minute guided meditation is one of my favorite tools for acknowledging and attending to challenging emotions in grief. Utilizing a mindful acronym - RAIN - which stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Not Identify With or Nurture - you are invited to practice moment to moment mindful awareness of emotions in the body.
Press play and be enveloped in the soothing pink noise and rainfall recording that accompanies the meditation. These soft, soothing tones (created by Christopher Sousa) offer a serene backdrop for mindful awareness as you practice letting these emotions pass through, like the changing weather.
Incorporate this meditation into your daily routine and watch as it helps you make room for more spaciousness in your grief. Embrace the opportunity to reconnect with the flow of a rainstorm, and let the gentle guidance be your pathway to inner peace.
YOU are a good grief doula when you take time to ground yourself, witness the emotions that are arising in grief, and allow these emotions to be present - if only for a moment.
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This short 20 minute guided meditation is inspired by the changing seasons. In this immersive experience, you are invited to release that which no longer serves you, mirroring the gentle process of leaves falling gracefully to the ground.
YOU are a good grief doula when you take time to rest and release the weight of worry, stress, and grief - if only for a moment.
Press play and be enveloped in the rich warmth of an autumnal forest. The soft, soothing tones in the background (created by Christopher Sousa) create a serene backdrop, aligning with the themes of letting go and embracing change.
Let go of the weight of any baggage you may be carrying, just as trees let go of their leaves in preparation for the coming winter, and connect with your breath, grounding yourself in the present moment.
Incorporate this meditation into your daily routine and watch as it helps you make room for a lightness and more serenity. Embrace the opportunity to reconnect with nature's wisdom, and let the gentle guidance be your pathway to inner peace, mirroring nature's transitions. It's time to let go and embrace the change that life offers, just like the leaves in the autumn breeze.
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