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This short 20 minute guided meditation is inspired by the changing seasons. In this immersive experience, you are invited to release that which no longer serves you, mirroring the gentle process of leaves falling gracefully to the ground.

YOU are a good grief doula when you take time to rest and release the weight of worry, stress, and grief - if only for a moment.

Press play and be enveloped in the rich warmth of an autumnal forest. The soft, soothing tones in the background (created by Christopher Sousa) create a serene backdrop, aligning with the themes of letting go and embracing change.

Let go of the weight of any baggage you may be carrying, just as trees let go of their leaves in preparation for the coming winter, and connect with your breath, grounding yourself in the present moment.

Incorporate this meditation into your daily routine and watch as it helps you make room for a lightness and more serenity. Embrace the opportunity to reconnect with nature's wisdom, and let the gentle guidance be your pathway to inner peace, mirroring nature's transitions. It's time to let go and embrace the change that life offers, just like the leaves in the autumn breeze.

Please like, share, and subscribe to Good Grief on YouTube for more!

I’m a big fan of the new series, “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning,” which debuted on Peacock late April, 2023. Based on the bestselling book by Margareta Magnusson, this Amy Poehler-helmed show features a charming cast of Swedes including professional organizer Ella Engstrom, designer Johan Svenson, and psychologist Katarina Blom as they gently guide eight Americans through the death cleaning process. 

This Queer Eye-meets-Konmari-meets-Fika format delivers on all the emotional and visual fronts, and yet I found three things this charmer of a series got “wrong” about death cleaning. As a grief doula who helps folks death clean IRL, I feel it’s important clarify some components of the show: 

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1. False: There are only THREE categories when death cleaning. 

Professional organizer Ella brings three packs of stickers with her to help clients in sorting their belongings. Green stickers are for items to be kept, yellow stickers are for items to be donated or given away, and red stickers are for items to be trashed. 

While the stickers are an effective tool for first-round categorizing, death cleaning is an eco-conscious process that requires much more nuanced consideration. 

Items are to be repurposed, reused, or gifted whenever possible. 

Items that are designated “trash” may require deliberate processing, such as electronics recycling and toxic disposal.

Items aren’t simply “donated” and done - they may require a scheduled pick up with Habitat for Humanity, attendance at a community drive, shipping to Lions Club International, and/or delivery to local schools/colleges, creative reuse centers, clothing swaps, and neighbors from your Buy Nothing group. 

Items that are “for keeps” may require rewiring, reupholstery, mending, curation, and reorganization.

It is totally OK to do multiple rounds of editing and categorization to ensure each item receives it’s proper designation. The death cleaning movement encourages you to take the time and effort to handle earthly belongings responsibly.  

Bottom line: PLEASE don’t rush to trash things and dump items such as light bulbs, batteries, paints, and electronics in our landfills. 

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2. False: Death cleaning only takes one week.

This one is a bit more obvious to everyone familiar with “TV magic” but there is just no way any homes on the TV show were transformed in one week without loads of labor from production assistants and folks behind the scenes. 

It is unrealistic to hold yourself to a one-week timeline, especially considering the emotional labor involved in death cleaning. You would be wise to take into consideration any limitations of health, physical or mental ability that you may have and adjust expectations accordingly before commencing death cleaning. 

The goal of death cleaning is not to rush and be done with it. Magnusson encourages practitioners to go at their own pace and with a relaxed attitude, to truly enjoy and appreciate the process and the contemplation it entails.  

Magnusson also underlines that death cleaning is not a “one and done” life  solution, but rather a way of living. Once you have death cleaned, the intention is to continue doing so until you die. 

This is not a punishment for mortality, but rather a responsibility for being a human with a carbon footprint in relationship with loved ones who must continue to care for you and your belongings after death. 

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3. False: You need three cute Swedes to get the job done.

Having three cute Swedes to assist during death cleaning is a bonus, not a necessity. 

Magnusson encourages people to begin death cleaning whenever inspiration arises. 

She recommends inviting interested family members and friends to participate, but notes that you may also death clean entirely by yourself. No waiting, hiring, or scheduling involved - one hour alone this weekend may be a great way to jump-start the process! 

You may decide to invite loved ones for certain stretches of the process, and/or engage a professional death cleaner or organizer to help keep you accountable. 

Get the ball rolling, and ask for support as it is needed - Your future self will thank you!

In the end, the gentle art of death cleaning is a life-affirming practice. And that message is just one thing “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” show on Peacock demonstrates beautifully. 

Now that you’ve read my notes on the death cleaning process, I highly recommend you check the show out.

If you do, please let me know – what do you think? Are you ready to start death cleaning?! 

With love <3

Kat

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P.S. Review my favorite takeaways from Magnusson’s book “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” here, order your copy of the book here, and/or learn more about the new TV show here!

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I'm a geek for systems of organization, but Margareta Magnusson's "The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning" is my favorite by far. Her tactful, relaxed process of tidying with end-of-life in mind can lead to a truly transformational relationship with one's belongings. I've helped others in downsizing and followed this system myself, and there is a real joy in organizing ones home so it is more accessible and easy to navigate. This process takes some work, but results in a deep sense of ease and peace of mind.

I like to return to this task annually, as the new year begins, and am always amazed by how much I have accumulated in a year. Yes, I save every card, letter, and ticket stub, so sorting through paper is an annual review of sorts. I like to set aside a quiet weekend to return my belongings to find their homes, or mindfully pass them on to their next dwelling point, allowing any stagnant energy to move up and out. Having reacquainted myself with my belongings, I am reminded of accomplishments and happy memories, as well as projects and ways of being I've been holding onto that are no longer serving me. It is a contemplative and gentle process that brings a real lightness into our home.

I highly recommend you grab a copy of "The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter" for yourself so you may experience enjoy Magnusson's philosophy and flair. And if you want to get started today, please check out my notes below!

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Overview:

·     In Sweden there is a kind of decluttering called döstädning, dö meaning “death” and städning meaning “cleaning”

·     We are used to cleaning up AFTER ourselves, this is cleaning up BEFORE you are unable to

·     Death cleaning is a permanent form of organization that makes your everyday life run more smoothly

·     Magnusson recommends you approach Death Cleaning around age 65 (or sooner!) so your home is safer for you to live in, and you still have the energy to do the work required

·     There is no timeline and work can go as slow or fast as you want it to!

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Steps:

1.  Tell your loved ones what you’re up to, they may want to be involved.

2.  Take your time, take breaks, rest, and recharge between categories or rooms; remember to enjoy your life!

3.  Don’t start with photos, letters, sentimental items, etc.... start with larger items then move to small.

4.  Begin with storage: basement, attic, storage units, random cupboards where things you’ve forgotten you even own are stored.

5.  Ask yourself, “Will anyone I know be happier if I save this?” If the answer is no, let it go.

6.  Next, move to clothes. Only keep clothing that is your size, you believe you will wear again, or items for which the sentimental connection is strong. Create one pile for keep, one pile for giving away, one pile for mending or cleaning (and then go back and assess if you will really fix them; if not, get rid of them).

7.  Organize your home as you go so everything has a designated place it belongs and can be returned to after use. A tidy home will be easier for you to live in and simpler for your loved ones to navigate.

8.  Create a “Throw Away” box that includes personal letters, photos, sentimental items you wish to keep but which have no value to others and can simply be thrown away when you’re gone. You may also wish to create a DO NOT OPEN box of personal items and tell a trusted person to toss it without opening.

9. Celebrate the gift you are giving the planet and your constellation of loved ones by mindfully parting with your belongings!

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Where Will My Things Go?

It’s entirely up to you! Some suggestions:

·     Ask if anyone wants or needs the items you are letting go of. Magnusson recommends starting with loved ones, neighbors, friends, or community organizations asking for donations.

·     Slowly, unobtrusively gift by giving beautiful, useful items to friends each time they visit.

·     Rather than buying a gift when invited to a friend’s, bring them something from your collection!

·     If you own items of value, an auctioneer can help with appraisal and sales of items at auction in exchange for a percentage of sales. You may also wish to sell items to antique shops, secondhand stores, etc.

·     Leave notes on items left in your home (i.e., leave a piece of tape under the kitchen table that includes the name and contact info of person you’d like to receive an item, post mortem).

·     Consider selling your home with furniture included.

·     Organize a clothing swap with friends. This is a really fun hang, and my primary source of new clothing for the past few years. Send me a message for more info!

·     The New Yorker's "A Guide to Getting Rid of Almost Everything" covers a lot of great modern options for transferring belongings!

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Are you interested in trying Swedish Death Cleaning in your home? Get support from Good Grief Doula by scheduling a FREE consultation here.

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Whenever we gather - whether it's a work meeting, celebrating a birthday, officiating a wedding, or honoring a life - we enter into a shared space that has the potential to be full of meaning and memory. So why do so many meetings feel like a waste of time? Why are some gatherings tedious when they're "supposed" to be fun? While it's easy to blame the pandemic for stifling our social graces, one doesn't need to be an event expert to host with real impact. As author, facilitator, and strategic advisor Priya Parker argues, adopting a few simple tools can help ease the way and allow life's rituals to unfold with less stress and more consciousness.

Parker has been exploring the art and science of gatherings for decades and after hearing her speak on several podcasts, I absolutely loved devouring her book "The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters." In reviewing her work, I came to understand why the mechanics behind Circling are so unfailing, why my wedding was the best time of my life, and the reason my dad's funeral was both cathartic AND a good time. What I had been intuiting and appreciating about these major life events was the value-driven organization involved. Indeed, when the true intentions behind a gathering are clear, the event can unfold to a desired effect and create a memorable community moment. It's thrilling to orchestrate, and really empowering to experience.

Since so many gatherings were postponed or cancelled during the pandemic, it is especially important now to do your homework and really consider the How and Why of a meeting before diving headfirst into experiences again. If you're intrigued, I highly recommend checking out Priya Parker's book here and signing up for her newsletter - it's juicy stuff! But if you don't have time for that, you can check out my cheat sheet and my five fave tips from "The Art of Gathering" below:

1) INTENTION MATTERS: As Parker puts it, "Gatherings should have a purpose which is specific, unique, and disputable." Yes, you're hosting a baby shower, she argues, but the WHY (outside of obligation, tradition, etc.) can and should inform everything from invite through to Thank You's. Another way to think of it is A: How do you want to feel during the gathering? and B: How do you want your guests to feel? Once these questions are answered, decisions can follow thoughtfully with these intentions in mind.

2) CHILL HOSTS ARE NOT COOL! My favorite concept from the book is "Generous Authority." We've all been to a party where you can't remember other guests names, it's not clear when the action is starting, or someone is taking up all the space or energy and we don't like it. A host with Generous Authority doesn't dominate, but rather guides the action, protects and connects their guests, and assumes responsibility during the event in a way that allows people to be ushered through the experience from start to finish. Speaking of which...

3) OPENINGS AND CLOSINGS MATTER: After an event, guests remember the first 5%, the last 5%, and the most climactic moment most clearly. So don't ignore the liminal moment between arrival and start of show; usher your guests across the threshold from "real life" to this new moment and be sure to end with purpose, rather than allowing things to fizzle out or end vaguely. Parker encourages you to try to embody the very reason you felt moved to gather this specific group of humans within the first few moments of gathering and then returning to this purpose again at the end, in a mirroring fashion.

4) EVERY GUEST COUNTS: Parker has identified that a group of eight people is ideal for holding a single conversation at a dinner party; twelve is good for multiple small conversations. This calculator helps determine how many guests to invite using square footage and desired density (the more packed, the more energy... to a point!). What's important here is that guests are invited because they have a stake in the event, not because you feel you HAVE to include them, and the guest count reflects the needs and intentions of the event, NOT how many friends you have. Casual, unmotivated guests can detract from the energy and momentum of the evening so grant yourself the freedom to not include every person, every time.

5) AUTHENTICITY BEGINS WITH YOU: If you want your guest to be authentically present and vulnerable, you must display vulnerability first. If you want them to reflect on what has transpired as a group and cement a bonding experience, you have to take a moment to understand, remember, acknowledge, and reflect upon that. This looking inward and turning outward is a beautiful practice, and one which led to a spontaneous group sing-along during my grandma's Zoom memorial. When we leave room for magic, it often arrives, but is not without a little vulnerability and risk first.

What are your favorite takeaways from Parker's work? Do you have any advice for generating more meaningful gatherings? Any rituals that never fail to succeed? Leave a note or send a message, and reach out for a consultation if you need support planning any meaningful gatherings you are dreaming up!

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June 3, 2021, marked the one year anniversary of my Gpa Bill's death. He had Covid-19 as well as kidney and heart failure when he died. Reflecting on this loss, I remember the chaos and heartache of planning his Zoom Memorial. It was a disorienting time - I was afraid other family members who were still sick with Covid could die, I had just left my job of 11 years, I was participating in protests in support of BLM, and Los Angeles was under a citywide curfew. I can see clearly now that my grandpa's humor, devotion to service, and insight on my "special skills" were all helping me process this turning point, directing me towards the work I am doing now. Necessity is the mother of invention, after all :)

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My family is plans to honor him and my grandmother, who died January 6, 2021, at an IRL memorial in September. I cannot even begin to imagine the wisdom these beloved ancestors will have shared with me by then! Thank you, time, for helping to heal my heart. Thank you, Gpa, for all the love, gifts, and dorky dad jokes you shared with me. It is my goal to continue to be guided by your love <3

End-of-Life planning can begin at retirement or upon receiving a terminal diagnosis, but what are you waiting for? It is so much less stressful to review options and start getting affairs in order well in advance of a health crisis or arriving at a mature age. Having an Advanced Directive, reviewing accounts and passwords, healing important relationships, or considering legacy projects are all meaningful ways to begin to relieve anxiety and bring peace of mind to even the most “unprecedented” times, right here, right now. 

Estate Planning and other End-of-Life organization is meant to be fluid and reflect personal values which can change significantly over the course of a lifetime. It’s a good idea to look to the following Major Life Events, also known as the Five D’s, as reminders to review your plans:

Divorce (or Marriage): Many people commit “til death do us part” but skip the conversation about (spoiler alert) death’s inevitability in their lives. As Stephen Jenkins says in Die Wisely, “Nowhere is it written that by virtue of giving birth to someone or raising someone to adulthood or marrying someone or loving someone or having forty years together with someone that anyone knows, or can know, how to care for that dying someone.” We have to ask questions and have difficult conversations in order to understand someone’s values and wishes in advance. Similarly, we need to review those decisions when vows and relationships change significantly.

Death (or Birth): There’s nothing like a loss to remind you of how complicated death can be in our modern society. If you’ve handled the paperwork of wrapping up affairs, you can attest to the entanglement of subscriptions and accounts of the deceased which can take years to unravel. Similarly, there’s nothing like a beautiful new life to incentivise having an action plan in place! Like an earthquake or first aid kit, even the simplest preparations can have a major impact when a crisis like significant illness or death occurs.

Distance: Advanced Directive paperwork and options for how to handle your remains vary greatly state by state, so major moves require a thorough review of local legislation. If you have pre-paid funeral arrangements, wish to donate your organs, or have appointed an out-of-state Health Care Proxy, it is wise to consider your new location and tweak plans accordingly. Buying a home, downsizing, or otherwise moving house can also impact your Will, Trust, and plans for inheritance.

Decline: A new diagnosis, disability relative to mental or physical health, or other life altering condition can be a striking reminder to review existing End-of-Life plans. There are many tools available to help prepare an Advanced Directive in relation to a specific disease prognosis (there are Covid-19, Mental Health, or Dementia-specific Directives, for example), that can help take the guesswork out of the equation for your Health Care Proxy. It may also be wise to consult an Elder Law specialist regarding Power of Attorney, Guardianship, maintaining Medicaid eligibility status or establishing a Trust sooner rather than later. 

Decade: If you’re cruising along in this lifetime and manage to avoid the previous four D’s, you’ll want to look to each new decade as an excuse to review End-of-Life plans. A lot can change in a year, let alone ten, so show some appreciation for your growing wisdom and incorporate life lessons into your plans at least every decade.

I recently completed my own End-of-Life plans and it was strange to imagine my partner, family and friends fulfilling my wishes for a home funeral, performing my interpretive dance eulogy, and divvying up my personal belongings when I’m gone. The strangeness, however, did not overwhelm the desire to leave clear and empathetic instructions for them, making my departure as painless and non traumatic as possible, should it occur one day, one year, or 100 years from now. 

I appreciate having spent time reflecting on my values and have grown to love having End-of-Life planning conversations with others. It’s not all doom and gloom, I promise! The best part is, I no longer have to start from scratch, and each milestone I encounter can allow me to make tweaks and share accordingly. Which brings me to the final D…

Discussion: It’s all great and well if you have End-of-Life plans neatly organized, but if you do not share the plans with anyone, they’re relatively pointless! Be sure any wishes about your medical preferences are shared verbally with your Health Care Proxy and let them and those closest to you know where they can find the documentation to support your End-of-Life decisions. Your (end of) Life depends on it!